Pre-Op Cowboys and Crotchless Pants

Some people should really think about their old-timey Cowboy statuary before they put it out where the general public can take a gander at it.



"It" being a MAN-GINA. Yeah yeah, chaps. I know. But seriously? Who didn't realize that maybe they should re-carve their wooden cowboy's gear to look less like...ladybusiness?



Thanks, Heebs. Keep the great sight-gags coming.

Now, I Don't Know Much About Wrestling, But....

...has it always involved...um...guns?





And I quote:

"Wrestling dynasties have transformed the Utah wrestling scene. Rival teams compete for a state title for the right to be called "The Best". It is that time of sacrifice, dedication, and commitment. It is the time of WASATCH WRESTLING."

Ooh, I've got chills. What's not to love? The fact that they didn't even find prop tommy guns, but are clearly holding Dad's spare hunting rifles? Illegal use of a copyrighted film title to advertise a homoerotic grope-fest at the local high school gymnasium? A predominantly Mormon high school team posed against what is clearly an illustration of a speakeasy? (Hint: It's where the beers live!) Or even the fact that probably none of these kids even know what movie they're parodying? Makes perfect sense to me.

But I do think the fedoras are going to be problematic once they all start actually wrestling.

Vialance! Murder! Tourkeys!

It's been a few ages since I've last posted anything here, so I thought I'd bring it back with a little bit of holiday cheer,courtesy of Me, age 8.

When I brought this choice little essay home from school before the Thanksgiving break in 1990, I'm sure my family was bracing themselves for a militant vegan in the years to come. Luckily for them, I seem to have lost my interest in the welfare of delicious holiday meats shortly thereafter.

Marvel at The Boosh!

When I'm stressed, and I escape in my imagination to my happy place, it usually consists of me wearing a fantastic evening gown and sharing a flat with Vince Noir and Howard Moon. We all go on madcap adventures. Madcap!

The Mighty Boosh

PELOSI IS A JEZEBEL!

If you needed any more proof that Teabaggers have NO DAMN IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT, enjoy this little slice of the 9-12 cattle run in Washington D.C. and marvel at the passionate talking points. They are like the dots, that no one can quite connect. But my gosh, do they ever try.

My favorite part is either
A) The woman screaming "Stop Hollywood and all the commies!" because, really, aren't ALL residents of California raging-red Communists? Yep. I drive through Beverly Hill all the time and see NO SIGN of Capitalism ANYWHERE.

B) The tween-age boy clutching a sign that reads PELOSI IS A JEZEBEL and squeaking in his breaking lil' puberty-prone voice that "Obama's only been in office for a year and he's already ruined half the country!" No, young man, you're getting him mixed up with Godzilla, Swine Flu, and that videotape from The Ring.

Tampy Troubles SOLVED.

Dear faithful readers,

I come here today to inform you that the Great Tampon War of theater row is now over. I think. The hastily scrawled voices of the feminine people has been silenced:



What? I promised I'd keep you posted as to any new developments. I keep my word. But that's a little disappointing.

Things You Don't Want to Need...

...I think you might put "bug-repellant" bedding at the top of that list. Seriously, what college are you sending your child to? Did I mention this was in with the DORM stuff?





Oh good! It even helps you salvage infected mattresses! That's good for the earth!

Congratulations, happy owner of products that shouldn't be neccessary! Not only can you prevent living squalor, you can "salvage" things to sleep on! Doesn't that sound great? And by great I mean homeless?

While you're at it, make sure you don't forget to buy a shower caddy, supplies for classes, cans of Raid, and a mosquito net.