Kentucky Explains The Dinosaurs

In a previous entry, we talked about how the good (and by good I mean CUH-CRAZY) people over at Chick Tracts have explained away the dinosaurs, evolution, fossil evidence, and anything that sounds like actual science in a humble little tract called There Go The Dinosaurs. I had a chuckle about it. Well, apparently someone decided I needed to really look at the information in ways a teensy little illustrated pamphlet couldn't provide...

So they opened A MUSEUM.

That's right. A museum. As in totally scientific. Or, not. In one exhibit, two young T. rexes peacefully watch fish swim in a placid pond. Two curly-haired robotic kids play nearby. In any other place, this would be the setup for a massacre. But this pre-Noah's-flood Jurassic Park is benign. The animals are vegetarians and plants don't have thorns. The fossil record, says the museum, confirms all of this.

At the ribbon cutting, Ken Ham, the rugged-faced CEO and president of Answers in Genesis, the nonprofit ministry that built the museum, tells an enthusiastic crowd that the Creation Museum will undo the damage done 82 years ago when Clarence Darrow put William Jennings Bryan on the stand in the famous Scopes trial in Dayton, Tenn. "It was the first time the Bible was ridiculed by the media in America, and that was a downward turning point for Christendom," Ham says. "We are going to undo all of that here at the Creation Museum. We are going to answer the questions Bryan wasn't prepared to, and show that belief in every word of the Bible can be defended by modern science."

Really? Every word? How about the words VIRGIN BIRTH? How about the parting of the Red Sea? How about someone RISING FROM THE DEAD AFTER THREE DAYS?

I'm a Christian, kids. I'm a very gung-ho, Bible-reading, church-going Christian. But I'm also not a hellfire-and-brimstone lunatic, or a member of the frigging Inquisition. I don't think we need to sit around in the Dark Ages simply because a very faulty grasp of one translation of the Bible(the King James Version...because 1611 England really had all the answers and understanding of ancient history and languages we need, right?) has been taken by some to be LITERALLY true. I personally believe that taking a beautiful collection of stories and lessons handed down to the people by various apostles, witnesses, and disciples, and trying to use it like the owner's manual of a car, or a high school textbook, is missing the point entirely! The Bible is subjective, and moral. It isn't objective and scientific. And there's nothing in the Bible that states exactly what course of events God used to create the Earth.

Setting my personal religious beliefs aside, I'd like to point out that

1. Medical treatments for epileptic seizures
2. surgery and surgical procedures
3. the number ZERO
not to mention
4. Common people owning and reading the Bible themselves

were ALL at one time or another in our Christian history condemned for their mockery of Biblical or Christian values, and their use fought against ferociously! Maybe the opponents of that diabolical, unchristian, zero should have founded a museum.

If you believe in miracles, it doesn't mean you have to hate science. If anything, science itself is a miracle. Don't hold everyone back because you're afraid of getting an answer you can't reconcile with a very narrow view of your own world history. If we did that all the time, there'd be no penicillin, no women in the workplace, childbirth would still be commonly fatal, and mathematical theory and physics would be considered heretical witchcraft.

Luckily, the Creation Museum not only has answers for us, it has a cameo appearance by a very sexy Adam, who is also, in real life, aporn star. Just to keep things a little spicy for the tourists, right?

I think one of the interviewed visitors to the exhibit summed up the philosophy of this little variety show perfectly when he said
"I don't care how long it took to make the Grand Canyon. It's not how old it is that matters to me. What matters is being right with God. Darwin's theory has no God. It can't be right. I don't know if this story is truer than Darwin's theory, but I do know it's better."

Am I the only one who misses that crazy neighbor lady who thought that Dino bones were devil bones put in the ground by Satan to trick us into believing in Darwinism? I'd like to see that in a diorama.