No longer content with being the source of all truth and knowledge on the subject of Catholics, mother *!#@ truck drivers, angry Muslim children, spinster evolution-touting teachers, Mormons, hot chicks who play Dungeons and Dragons (?), and basically everyone else in the world going to Hell (aka YOU), Jack Chick has gone one step further. Our favorite wacky tracts have now successfully provided information that previously only those huckster paleontologists, museums, and various other scientist types held the monopoly on:
He's gonna tell us what happened to THE DINOSAURS. I'm gonna leave this little gem to speak for itself. All I'm gonna say is this:
Apparently dinosaurs wore fake eyelashes, and this is an attempt to put a little "God Humor" in for the kiddies.
I bet dinosuar burgers were friggin DELICIOUS.
Chick tracts all do this, and it always creeps me out. Why doesn't God have a FACE??? Its like heaven is designed by the people who make those Japanese horror films with creepy little asian girls and random curses.On the plus side, the stegosaurus and the zebra seem like good buddies.
And finally, this thought. Dragons, which in 1841 were renamed Dinosaurs (By whom? Was there a committee? Dragon didn't have enough panache?) were aboard the ark. Think about it. It's Jurassic Park! On a boat!
You're telling me there were two T-Rexes, two brontosauruses, two pterodactyls??? I get that the idea of every animal on earth on a boat is a bit much, but every dinosaur on earth as well? How many time zones did this ark take up? Did the cheeetahs and the raptors have footraces around the deck? Did the alligators feel inadequate?
I have to admit, however, it has a certain appeal. How much cooler would the Bible be if instead of a dove, Noah sent a pterodactyl off to return with an olive branch? That would be the most awesome Bible story ever.
In unrelated news- Four years ago today you threw me the hands-down greatest birthday I've had in the quarter of a century I've been alive. I don't know if it is the lack of sleep from working these graveyards or what, but I am really all choked thinking of how loved I felt during the Terrace Apartment days. You were a damn good roommate!
ReplyDeleteUh...unrelated to Amanda's love of you (warranted though it may be,) what the hell is up with this Chick guy? Since when was crazy a religion? This seems more like a guy mocking these extreme Christian veiws than actually promoting them. What I want to know is this: if dinosaurs were on the arc, where are they now? And why is there no mention of unicorns? (God says unicorns are called horn-horses, but men who hate Him renamed them as Unicorns in 1962. Damn JFK.)
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to believe more and more that Jack Chick is actually the homeless guy down the street from my old apartment who beats up phone booths and rants about the end of the world. They just send an artist down there to illustrate his crazytalk. The poor artist sits there with his pad and pen and tape recorder, taking it all down until homeless Mr. Chick finally passes out on his bus stop bench.
ReplyDeleteAlso:
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure a Horn-Horse was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
Ha! Grassy knoll. Classic.
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